A Week in My (High-Maintenance) Life or What It’s Like to Be Me

Although at some point in your life you have probably wondered what it’s like to be someone else – like a celebrity (but not Bruce Jenner), a famous guitarist, the queen of England, or if you’re like me, a Rockette – I am guessing you have never really wondered what it is like to be me. I want to tell you anyway.

My High-Maintenance Life isn’t just some fancy title I made up for my blog, but rather it is an accurate description of what my life is really like. Let me give you an example or two, because you’re probably saying,

“Oh, Karla. My life is just as high-maintenance as yours. Everyone’s is.” And, you might be right.

 

But honestly, if you can top the list of things that have taken place in my life in just the last week and a half, by all means, let me know and I’ll write about your crazy life instead of mine for a change.

In the past week and a half I have:

• applied to 38 jobs
• written 37 cover letters
• called the CEO of a company an asshole in one such cover letter (he was self-proclaimed, so I thought it was totally acceptable)
• received a response from the guy I called an asshole along with an invitation to officially apply for a position with his company and decided he is not an asshole anymore, especially if he hires me
• received one job offer and respectfully declined on account of creative differences (I am a writer. It’s to be expected. No hard feelings.)
• sat through three meetings
• attempted to understand the oh-so-simple, user-friendly United States Post Office bulk mailing regulations for a graphic design project
• packed 16 nutritious lunches
• cooked 11 nutritious dinners
• ate leftovers from nutritious dinners for lunch (11 times)
• wiped muddy paw prints off the kitchen floor three times
• let my dogs in and out the back door 82 times
• sprayed dogs with the water bottle for barking and jumping on the front window 38 times

  

   

• picked up four bags of dog poop (even from the mean neighbor’s yard)
• attended two curriculum nights at two different schools
• got caught in two torrential downpours with lightning, thunder, and no umbrella
• mopped floor of flooded bathroom after an upstairs toilet overflowed
• mopped floor of kitchen which is under the upstairs toilet that overflowed and marveled at how much water was dripping from the kitchen ceiling onto the floor below after just one toilet flush
• washed five loads of laundry, including towels from bathroom and kitchen floors
• purchased eight bottles of hand-sanitizing soap online
• read 13 self-improvement/relationship/positive thinking/self-love articles
• told myself I looked fat in three outfits
• snuck chocolate from my secret stash in the garage fridge (although it isn’t really secret – everyone else just forgot about it)
• finished box of chocolates and hid the evidence under wine bottles in the recycle bin
• contemplated the number of wine bottles in the recycle bin (only three, so therefore I do not drink too much during the week. Do beer bottles count?)
• ran 4.5 miles, but not all at once
• walked the dogs 3 miles, but not all at once
• stood at my desk for a total of 6 hours per day, totaling about 48 hours because my friend Theresa told me that “sitting is the new smoking”
• answered the door 26 times, so I could say, “Antonia is still finishing her homework. She’ll be outside as soon as she is ready. You don’t have to ring the doorbell anymore today. Thank you!”

So there you go. Even if you haven’t wondered what it is like to be me, you now have a glimpse into a day in the life of a high-maintenance one. Although, I suppose it could be even more insane. I wonder what Bruce, I mean, Catilyn Jenner, is up to this week.