Bodily Functions, Traveling with the Opposite Sex, and Other Potentially Embarrassing Subjects: Part 1

Part 1:
Bodily Functions

 

Sometimes taking your relationship to the next level means going out of town with the new man or woman in your life. It means going to the beach for a long weekend and staying at a cozy, little bed & breakfast. It means getting invited to a family gathering a few hours away and staying in somebody’s guest room with your new love. It means having a new experience together, away from home, where maybe you feel most comfortable. It means growing closer to each other in so many ways – ways you’ve never even imagined.

Many years ago, when I was meeting my boyfriend’s family for the first time, I was invited to spend Thanksgiving with him, his parents, and 27 of his closest relatives. On the four-hour drive to his parents’ house, I ate some bad fast-food chicken. In the middle of the night, in a guest room I had never before slept in, with a bathroom located somewhere down a hall I had never before walked down, it hit me.

Without warning, there I was in the middle of a situation in which I originally believed that what I was going to wear for Thanksgiving dinner would be my biggest concern. Instead, I was experiencing the most severe case of food poisoning I have ever had in my life, in a house full of people I had never met. Fortunately, my boyfriend’s mother was a nurse, so she was extremely accommodating and sympathetic in between entertaining guests and basting her Thanksgiving turkey.

This is, by far, a worst-case scenario. If you make it through this miserable experience together, your relationship jumps up about six levels. Your boyfriend has now seen (or at least heard) you puking your guts out multiple times, and looking as if you just filmed a scene as an extra in a zombie movie. After that, you’ve pretty much got nothing to hide in terms of bodily functions. It’s out there and you can’t take it back.

With that traumatic experience neatly tucked into my past, today when I am invited out of town to spend a few days with the man in my life, all I can think about is how much fun we will have, and how I need to prepare. First, I begin the daunting task of shaving and waxing. Next, I pack a suitcase full of enough clothes, shoes and accessories that in the case of an un-forecasted hurricane, I will have outfits for the next seven to 10 days while we are stranded. If the hurricane does not strike, I will say enthusiastically, as we are packing to go home after our three-day weekend, “Look, sweetie! I still have eight shirts, two pairs of pants and a skirt I haven’t even worn yet.”

This is Part 1 of a 3-part series. Please click Traveling with the Opposite Sex to continue reading Part 2.